Alternate
by livingondaydreams
Summary: Or, Why You Should Never Trust the Substitute Teacher. A little experiment to see what happens when you take just the dialogue from a scene, put it in reverse order, and change the context so that in the end only the dialogue is recognizable. Heavy AU.R&R


**AN: Okay, trying something new here. Basic idea: take just the dialogue from a scene, put it in reverse order, and change the context so that in the end only the dialogue is kinda recognizable. Might turn out to be a complete train wreck. Who knows? And ohheyguesswhat - I've officially been on FanFic for six months as of today! And it's been an awesome six months.  
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**Original Dialogue from _I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher_ (TLT) minus four words.**

**New Characters: SonofHades!Percy, Grover, Athena**

**New Context: Helm of Darkness not stolen, Kronos not rising. SonofHades!Percy is the true Lightning Thief. To discourage suspicion, he hides out in a normal mortal school.**

**Let's see how this goes, shall we?**

**Edit 9/18/11: Ditching the second one and leaving this as a oneshot. Carry on.  
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><p><strong>Alternate<br>**

**_Or, Why You Should Never Trust the Substitute Teacher_  
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><p>Percy Jackson hates field trips. Sure, it's good to get out of school. Putting up the ignorant appearance is exhausting, and being in a different atmosphere means he can let his guard down because Chiron— sorry, <em>Mr. Brunner<em>— is distracted trying to keep kids from torching the place and keeping an eye out for monsters.

But this field trip is even worse than the others. They're at a museum, which is bad in and of itself, but they're looking at the new _Greek_ exhibit. Which means that everyone will be saying the names of monsters and gods and all kinds of things that will draw attention to the fact that there's a nice, tasty demigod right in New York City for any hungry monsters or cranky gods out there.

Of course his personal Fury bodyguard would choose this day to go about on her avenging-murder duties.

Actually, Alecto isn't so much his bodyguard as his warden. Apparently Hades thought he couldn't handle being on his own so close to the gods' stronghold, where he'd just made himself Public Enemy Number One. They don't know he's the one who stole Zeus's lightning bolt, but it's only a matter of time before the gods put two and two together and realize that Hades wants more respect and he has a son who is more than capable of taking something that's _just sitting there_.

Percy's friend Grover interrupts his train of thought by asking him if he can have his apple. Percy hands the fruit over wordlessly. He wasn't going to eat it anyway.

Grover, according to Alecto, is a satyr. Which can only mean one thing: they know who he is. Or at least, who his father is.

He notices Ms. Newton, Alecto's substitute, glaring at him from across the big front steps of the museum. Something about her steely gaze makes him want to shudder; it's like…

_That's impossible_, he tells himself. _They can't know yet. You've kept your head down and tried not to be too obvious and there's absolutely no way they could know that you're the one who stole the bolt. Calm down.  
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He's distracted from his rising panic when Nancy Bobofit, the quintessential bully, decides to come over and torment Grover for everything from his limp to hanging out with the "emo." Percy stands up, fists clenched at his side. He doesn't get angry often, but he's shaking now and when Nancy looks at him she actually recoils. He thinks there's a little bit of fear in her eyes, but he can't properly appreciate the victory because she backs up slowly and then runs over to Ms. Newton.

That can't be good.

The substitute teacher who may or may not know his secret listens carefully to whatever tale Nancy is making up about him. A smug smile grows on her face. She pats Nancy on the shoulder, says something quietly, and shoos her away so she can keep pickpocketing tourists.

Ms. Newton walks over to where Percy is still standing next to Grover, who is staring at the teacher in awe. Of course; he doesn't have to be worried about twelve all-powerful beings with a reward for his head. Percy feels a sudden surge of jealousy towards the satyr. Lucky goat.

When he looks up a second later, Ms. Newton is standing right in front of them, glaring at Percy.

With piercing _grey_ eyes.

It's in that moment that Percy knows with absolute certainty he's going to die. And the sense isn't because he's a son of Hades.

Athena, goddess of wisdom, useful crafts, and battle strategy, beckons with a single finger. He gulps, trying not to look like he's guilty of anything other than offending a sixth grade girl, and follows woodenly. Grover doesn't object. He thinks Athena is here for a _good_ reason.

Some protector.

The goddess leads him to an empty room in the exhibit. While she waits for him to catch up, she gazes proudly at a frieze of the gods. One of her children probably made it. Funny, he never would've thought of Athena as the proud parent type. She always seemed more likely to vaporize the little macaroni necklace her kid had made for her.

Finally, she tears those deadly intelligent eyes away and turns to face him. Her face is calm, composed, and proud, although behind the ice queen façade he can see a little anger.

He's shaking.

"Your time is up."

The words are said coolly, and he knows they're true. He stole Zeus's lightning bolt. There's no way the gods are going to forgive him for this. But hey, he's still a scared twelve year old kid up against one of the most intimidating goddesses, like, ever. So he tries the "innocent little boy" ploy. He's never really been able to pull it off (black eyes creep people out more than anything), but he's kinda desperate and Athena will kill him anyway, so why not?

"Ma'am, I don't…"

That glare of hers must be patented or something.

Silently and deliberately, she takes Zeus's master bolt out of her bag. The master bolt which he _stole_ a few weeks ago, which is supposed to be in Hades' possession. He stares up at her, dark eyes wide. _How do they have it? _Unless— someone must have stolen it back from Hades. Another half-blood.

"We are not fools, Percy Jackson. It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain."

Panic is taking hold, spiraling around and crashing into any coherent thoughts he might have had other than _Holy Styx I am about to die_. "I'll— I'll—"

"Did you really think you could get away with it?"

Her voice is so snooty, and the anger it sparks clears his head a minute too late. _This_ is why Hades doesn't like the Olympians. They're proud and intolerant and— And he'll be damned if he doesn't give them crap before they kill him.

So he smirks up at her, looking a lot braver than he feels.

"Yes, _ma'am_."

There's a flash of light, and then all that's left of the son of Hades is a small circle of ash.

And to top it all off, Grover ate the rest of Percy's lunch while he was gone.


End file.
